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Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship

Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship

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Jump on your opportunities, i.e., find a crack and drive a bus through it.

Issue #155 of the Better Humans Daily. Subscribe here for inspiration and knowledge.

“If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade.” ~ Tom Peters

Good news about changing your mindsets, plural.

I just discovered Alia Crum’s mindset research coming out of Stanford. It feels like she’s part of the next wave of mindset work that can build and expand on Carol Dweck’s Growth Mindset work.

“My parting advice is for people to remember that our mindsets are not a reflection of the world as it actually is. Instead they are our subjective interpretations of what is or could be that are informed by the cultures we live in, our development, by influential others and even by conscious choice. And that, when we recognize that we have mindsets, that they are not inevitable, and that they matter in shaping our health and wellbeing, we are empowered with a great gift: and that is the power to change our mindsets to improve our health and our lives.”

From Mindsets: Q&A with Dr. Alia Crum, Stanford Psychology

Exploiting unrecognized simplicities.

This is from James Clear’s 3–2–1 newsletter on how geniuses work:

“Most geniuses — especially those who lead others — prosper not by deconstructing intricate complexities but by exploiting unrecognized simplicities.”

Original source: Andy Benoit, Sports Illustrated

This reminds me of advice from an entrepreneur that I grew up with: “Find a crack and drive a bus through it.”

Do you recognize how important it is to assert yourself?

And do you understand the difference between asserting yourself versus imposing yourself or dominating other people?

One of the big reactions I had while watching the Beatles documentary Get Back was watching George Harrison fail to assert himself. He had songs that he wanted to get released, but he didn’t have the tools to get them into the group conversation. Of course, he didn’t — he was only 25, locked into a childhood dynamic of a group he’d joined at age 13, and facing the extreme confidence of John Lennon and Paul McCartney in their own visions. This is a skill you get a lot better at as you get older.

Asserting yourself has two parts. One is finding the conviction that you deserve to have your needs met. Then two, finding the courage to insist on being heard, even though the outcome might be out of your control. IMO, George couldn’t find either and so he left himself only one option, which was to leave the group.

You could find criticism in the other direction in John and Paul’s leadership, but I gravitated toward George’s assertiveness because it’s such a universally needed skill. We need to assert ourselves in groups, in relationships, and often even over ourselves.

A reader sent me this review of the newsletter.

“Your personal message and your personal voice have both become clearer and clearer as you’ve been sending these out over time. It feels supportive, inquisitive, non-macho, realistic, kind to oneself and others. All good things in my book!”

As self-improvement should be!

Jump on your opportunities, i.e., find a crack and drive a bus through it. was originally published in Better Humans on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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Who You Are is Not What You Do

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made over the years, the largest source of my anxiety and fear, the impetus behind my self-deprecating…

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How to Make the Most Out of the Present

Stop waiting for someone or something to make you happy

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Live for the Now: 5 Simple Tips to being more present

Being Present — No matter how terrible it might be

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The old you didn’t have these bad habits.

Issue #150 of the Better Humans Daily. Subscribe here for inspiration and knowledge.

This resonated with me, a James Clear note on breaking bad habits. “You don’t need to be someone else, you just need to return to the old you.”

It’s so easy to personalize bad habits as if they are intrinsically part of you. But they aren’t. They’re new to you by some definition of new.

Pay attention to why you procrastinate

If you’re procrastinating and don’t know why, your intuition might be trying to tell you something. People sometimes put off a task because something about it feels incongruous with their ideals, thoughts, or beliefs. Our intuition can be powerful enough to stop us from doing a task, but our monkey minds might not be able to sniff out just why.

From 4 Good Reasons You Might Be Procrastinating in 2022 by Michelle Loucadoux, MBA

I talked to a lot of people in the last year that wanted to eliminate procrastination. If you monitor your self-talk then I would watch out for extremist words like eliminate. That reflects some anxiety (probably shame). No need for that. You can however reduce procrastination and almost everyone would benefit from that.

A goal for minimalism.

Here’s my definition of minimalism that is practical: having no possession that you do not reuse on a regular basis. ~ MartinEdic

From Practicing Negative Consumerism.

A good approach to time blocking.

Time A good option for One take on Create a “Hate Day” or as the German’s say “Kleinscheiss tag” — aka “Little Shit Day”If you’re anything like me, you get annoyed with daily annoyances. Between our own heads and the million and seven ways people can contact us today, it’s amazing we get anything done at all.Take the power back when things come in that throw you off track by creating one day a week (or even month) to quickly filter these tasks into a single pile you can knock out in one extended punch.

From 22 Ways to Simplify Your Life in 2022 by Michael Thompson.

I split a log with one swing for the first time today. That was a rush. My earlier attempts were tepid swings worried about even hitting the wood. I was out chopping wood as part of revised goals around core habits.

I log most of my exercise on Strava so that I can get detailed reports about time, distance, effort. But I also wanted to start a habitual morning routine that was just focused on consistency. Anything goes. So this morning was chopping wood.

For habits, I use Coach.me because I built it to do exactly what I want in terms of habit building.

The other habits I’m tracking are interstitial journaling, meditation, clean, drink more water, and read.

Originally I designed our habit tracker around a “don’t break the chain” game mechanic. But over the years, I find that’s fragile. When you do break the chain it’s hard to get started again. This year I’m focusing on a “collecting” game mechanic where you collect milestones like 3-day streaks. Hopefully, that works well enough to release into the app.

This coupon for a FREE week of habit coaching is good until Sunday. To claim it, go to our directory and use the promo code HABITWEEK22 with any of the coaches in the habit coaching sections.

The old you didn’t have these bad habits. was originally published in Better Humans on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.

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I Built My Own Lightboard for $100

And with this transparent chalkboard, my video courses suddenly became much more appealing

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50 One-Line *Rules* That Can Crush Your Biggest 2022 Goals

Minimalism always wins over macro and micro-planning.

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What I Learned About Personal Responsibility in the Morgue

When we face challenges and hold ourselves accountable, we find the confidence to do difficult things.

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Do You Consider Behavior To Optimize Your Business Performance?

How I Use Color-Coding to Make the Most Out of My Team Members’ Strengths